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Monday, October 3, 2011

The First Kiss

As Evelyn and I were getting settled into my new vehicle the other day, we decided to pack the 6 disc CD changer with some tunes we could do some car dancing to. As she is flipping through the discs she spots one with Daddy’s handwriting on it, and hands it to me. I tell her that the disc is full of techno, and I’m not sure she would like it, but she insists.

As soon as I popped in the disc I was thrown back six years into Matt’s entertainment room at the old lake house. I remember one of the first dates Matt and I had. We were spending some of our first moments together as a couple playing a little ping-pong, drinking beers, and listening to techno. Ha, perfection.

I look back at Evie and tell her, “Honey, this is the song your daddy and I first kissed to.”

She was jamming out by this point. She had one finger poking the air along to the bass, as I have taught her to do in respect of her father’s favorite (and signature) dance move. She sort of slows down, cocks her head to the side, and lowers her hand. I thought for a moment I had upset her telling her something so intimate, but then wondered if she wasn't just letting the thought sink in.

“Mom?” Because no question can be asked without assurance that I know she is talking to me . . . even if it is only us.

“Yes, honey”

This is a really weird song to kiss to.

Smile ... Deep breath .... Silent thoughts. “Well honey . . . your dad wasn’t much of a romantic, but I liked it. I asked him to find this song for me, and he did. It was nice.”

“I guess that is nice. But maybe he thought it was a different CD he was putting in, and this one just got put on by accident.”

Confused, but with a smile on her face she slowly raised her pointer finger and kept on doing the “Mattyo”. How she knows what would be a good song to kiss to or not a good song to kiss to is beyond me, but the innocence of her thought brightened my day.

Who’s to say Rock U by Laurent Konrad wasn’t a good first kiss song – It must have been a half alright first kiss song, since he managed to get himself a second.


Amy said...

Ridiculously cute story!! Thanks for sharing this :)

Sandy Keith said...

I understand what you are walking through. I lost my husband of 53 years to Parkinson's Disease a little over 18 months ago. It is the hardest path I've ever had to walk.
Sandy Keith

Dylan Morrison Author said...

A lovely piece describing both the tenderness and pain of intimacy and relationship!



Larry said...


I loved the story. Allowing your daughter to share your love story will be precious to her as she grows. I will look forward to following your journey. Sharing our pain can be an invitation for others to open their lives to us. The journey then becomes one of healing, rather than a lonely trek across the wilderness. Being alone can feel that way, but allowing others inside our pain creates a kind of gift from God. Although it is a gift we never would have chosen, eventually it becomes like crystal, where the hot glass of our lives is cut with the scalpel of tragedy. It hurts... sometimes for a long time, but once the glass cools, the light of God's love reveals beauty.

Take care of yourself and your children. Continue to remember their Daddy to them. It sounds like he was a fine man.

Anonymous said...

I think about you a lot. A LOT. My heart breaks for you and your children, but the strength you exude is inspirational! I wish you all the peace in the world!! ox