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Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Beginning of the End

Well, I made it through Christmas. It had it's tough moments, but mostly we were busy. The beginning of February is coming quickly. The beginning of February will mean that Matt will have been gone for 1 year. I can hardly believe it. It is harder now accepting that then it did 6 months ago ... I have no idea why.

February will also mean the 1 year anniversary of my widow's blog. I have decided for a lot of reasons that his death day will be my last post on this site. I will keep writing, just not here. One of the many reasons for this blog over the last year is to give the children something to look to, when they wonder about what it was like when daddy died. I hope that I have given them something substantial; that they will be able to treasure these words, and it will help them better understand this year. There is one thing I feel I have touched on here and there, but haven't devoted a ton of time to, and that is some of my favorite memories of Matt. Matt and I, the kids and Matt, and just Mattyo and all he was as a person. So for January I am going to spend some time doing just that. These last posts will be memories of Matt. Things that I can write down while they are still fresh in my mind, and be able to look back on someday and enjoy.

My first memory, appropriately enough for the date, will be New Year's 2009. We had been in our new home in Chanhassen less than a month. Matt and I continued to rearrange room after room, working to get our home just the way we imagined it to be best. Evelyn just about to turn two years old had fallen in love with the sightly annoying Australian children's sensation The Wiggles.

On New Year's Eve Matt and I stayed in, and worked late into the night on the new house. I was upstairs in the bonus room, organizing and arranging my scrapbooking space. Matt spent a good part of the night working in the garage (because really the most important place to focus one's efforts in a new home is the garage . . . right?) Yet even from across this spanning 3000 sqft home we felt connected. Stopping down from each of our own spaces to show off to each other what the other had done. To ask opinions on where things should go, and what would work the best. We had a blast that New Year's. Taking a break just around midnight to walk out into the cold, and take in our new home together. Counting down in the silent darkness of our new little neighborhood to kiss in the New Year together.

The next morning, tired and worn from all our work, Evelyn promptly woke us at 6am. So in true Mattyo fashion he decided the best way to celebrate a new beginning, in our new home, was with a Wiggles concert! Put on by the three of us, right in our own living room. We all dressed up; Matt in one of his fine blue glittery Tom James suits, Evie in a fairy dress, me in sunglasses and dress up wings. We each were armed with musical instruments, including a microphone. And right there in our living room we put on a little concert. Singing along to Evie's new favorite DVD of The Wiggles - You Make Me Feel Like Dancing.

Matt recorded the whole thing. I wouldn't share it here for anything, mostly because we all look so silly. I watched it last night though. Towards the end, as Evie got bored of our concert, Matt egged her on. He said, "Honey, you better dance it up, because in 25 years daddy is going to play this video on your wedding day." Watching that, hearing that, brought me lots of tears. I love that memory though; really, really love it.


Sandy said...

Steph - I will miss reading your blogs. The first year I was in a daze and just going through the emotions. For me, it was my second year that I really began to heal. I wish continued healing for you.

Lucy said...

I really love your blog. It's such a wonderful testament. I'll miss reading it.